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The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in newspapers:

Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel-1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 years old, unpleasant little dog.

Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

Snow blower for sale.... Only used on snowy days.

2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.

Tickle Me Elmo, still in box, comes with it's own 1988 Mustang, 5.0, Auto, excellent condition $6800.

Star wars Job of the Hut - $15.

German shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered, speaks german. Free.

Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bath home.

For sale: Lee Majors (6 million dollar man) - $50.

Nordic track $300 hardly used. Call Chubbie.

Bill's septic cleaning "We haul American made products."

Shakespeare's pizza - free chopsticks.

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile.. Better be reward.

Hummels - largest selection ever; "If it's in stock, we have it."

Georgia peaches. California grown. 89 cents lb.

American flag. 60 stars - pole included $100.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

Notice: to the person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near Southridge Storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vicinity are dead.

Lawyer says client is not that guilty.

Ground beast: 99 cents lb.

Gas cloud clears out Taco Bell.

"Bar S" sliced balogna. Regular or tasty, save 30 cents on 2.

Open house body shapers toning salon, free coffee and donuts.
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